I've recently come back from a 5 day camping trip in Wales. It was the Green Man festival, and while the park was beautiful and the music was great, it was of course a struggle to get up and down the steep hills in the thick, wet and slimy mud with my walking stick. Of course, I didn't mind that much. It was only for 5 days, and it was a festival! One evening we even rented a mobility scooter. Unfortunately, it kept on getting stuck in the thick mud, and at one point a drunk woman decided to climb on top of it while we were stuck. Sat there in shock at the stupidity of some people, my partner removed her from the scooter and we went off as fast as we could.
Anyway, after coming home I find a few letters on my doorstep. The first one was a reply to the complaint I had made to the hospital about my mistreatment. Of course, the hospital had denied everything that had happened and even lied about the fact that they had prescribed me painkillers (which they most certainly did not). I was appalled by this letter, and although told to complain yet again by my partner, I simply did not have the motivation to do so.
The second letter was the date for my court hearing for my DLA. My court hearing, ugh. Travelling out of my way to stand alone in a court room, nervous has heck, to pour my heart out to people who I don't know, and already have no sympathy for my conditions. I have no idea what to say or do, I will be on my own, no back up, no support, no clue. Whenever I make public speeches my mouth always drys up and I can't talk. I get so nervous. I know the same thing is going to happen then.
My question is: Is it all worth it? All this hassle I get about my conditions, my mistreatment, what I do and don't deserve, what kind of help I get, what support I get. Is all of this distressing and upsetting really worth what I could get in return? What would I get in return?
What do I need to be able to cope with my chronic pain? Obviously I don't need stress, the one thing I try and avoid is what I seem to get most by the people who are supposed to support me. Makes sense, huh...
I need love and support, which is what I get from my family and friends. But I suppose I also need comfort, at the back of my mind to know that everything is going to be ok. Currently it isn't, I'm jobless with no income, I'm in constant pain and I'm always fretting about the future.
Do I need to stop going to the doctors? The hospital? Do I need to forget the DLA? Are they worth it? What exactly is it that I should do, and where do I get the guidance for it?
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Monday, 6 August 2012
Matter Of Luck
Many people say that when you get dealt the bad hands in life, it makes you appreciate all the good things you have. I'm hoping that for most people, that is true. I know for me it is.
Sometimes I feel like my luck could not get any worse. I have not even bothered to count how many different medical conditions I have, all confirmed by the doctors, which just seem to keep coming and coming. It seems like a pile of bricks fell on top of me, and every now and again another few bricks will fall, just as I'm climbing out of the pile. A very frustrating time.
On the other hand, sometimes you just have to stop and look at what is happening in the world around you. This weekend, I noticed just how much my partner looks after me, trying to make sure I'm as comfortable as possible, that I have everything I need, knowing when to take my pain killers, and most of all, that I'm happy. Little things may not always be notable, but they certainly count. There isn't necessarily any need for big gestures to make someone happy.
My partner means the world to me, and I know that I mean the world to him too. He goes out of his way to make sure that I'm alright, or at least that I'm alright as can be. This isn't just a struggle for me, it's a struggle for him too, and just like the way he'll never understand what these conditions are like, i'll never understand what it's like to look after someone in chronic pain.
Life can be a matter of luck. This time I know I was lucky enough to fall into the hands of my partner.
Sometimes I feel like my luck could not get any worse. I have not even bothered to count how many different medical conditions I have, all confirmed by the doctors, which just seem to keep coming and coming. It seems like a pile of bricks fell on top of me, and every now and again another few bricks will fall, just as I'm climbing out of the pile. A very frustrating time.
On the other hand, sometimes you just have to stop and look at what is happening in the world around you. This weekend, I noticed just how much my partner looks after me, trying to make sure I'm as comfortable as possible, that I have everything I need, knowing when to take my pain killers, and most of all, that I'm happy. Little things may not always be notable, but they certainly count. There isn't necessarily any need for big gestures to make someone happy.
My partner means the world to me, and I know that I mean the world to him too. He goes out of his way to make sure that I'm alright, or at least that I'm alright as can be. This isn't just a struggle for me, it's a struggle for him too, and just like the way he'll never understand what these conditions are like, i'll never understand what it's like to look after someone in chronic pain.
Life can be a matter of luck. This time I know I was lucky enough to fall into the hands of my partner.
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